2 Cows


You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.

You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.

You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: (i love this one)
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

You have two cows.
You worship them.

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows.

Picture shared by cuibel


Carlos el Rojo said...

Modelo español:
Tienes dos vacas.

Que le den por culo a las vacas. Las vendes y empiezas a especular con terrenos.

Por cierto, si me lo hubieran explicado así cuando estudiaba, me hubiera ido bastante mejor. Pena no haberte conocido antes. Psss

Foto cojonuda.

Carlos el Rojo said...

Por cierto, este vídeo a lo mejor te gusta… Y no, no es porno

Shenpen said...


You have two cows.
You tell your customer you have 200 cows so they make a milk shipping contract with you. You don't know where you will buy 98% of the milk you have to ship but at least you made a SALE!

xenmate said...

That's brilliant. I'll add it to the list. If anyone else feels their country/ideology/religion is not represented do let me know :)

John McCarthy said...

the irish one, so funny, so true, so so true.(from a real irish man)

Point said...

Cool, but I don't have two cows.

FTLNewsFeed said...


You have 2 cows.
You excommunicate one cow and condemn it to hell for being gay. The other cow, pilgrims set up a shrine to when the face of Mary miraculously appears in the hide. Milk is sold as divine nectar to the pilgrims.

Xklbr said...

You have two cows, get government subsidies to feed them, then you sacrifice them and sell the meat, with the money bribe the inspector and keep receiving the subside without cows for at least 6 years.

Anonymous said...


You have no cows.
They give no milk.
Although your milk pail is completely empty, you rejoice becuase you realize it lacks not one thing.

l0b0 said...

You have two cows.
After tax return, you have exactly 1/3 of a cow left.
You eat the rest, and start whaling.

Anonymous said...

You have two cows.
When you sell their milk abroad, you remove any notice that the milk is coming from Denmark and immediately apologize for cartoons you didn't draw.

Anonymous said...


You have two cows. You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from your bank then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three cows to your publicly listed company, using Letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a 2nd bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor and no Balance Sheet provided with the press release that announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin trading cows via the Internet site COW (cows on web).

satomi said...

Just dropped in from SevenDegree, and uploaded its Japanese translation. I wonder how Cowkimon looks like ;)

Dan said...


You've got 2 cows
None of em are really cows,and you do not sell any milk at all but you still ask your goverment for donations and burn your fields and trash your food if they dont pay.

Señor Blanco said...

Pero que cosas tan raras haceis con las vacas, copón!
yo tengo tres ovejas en una cabaña
una me da leche, otra me da lana y otra mantequilla para toda la semana.jijiji

Anonymous said...

Lebanese Corporation

You have no cows.
Your neighbour (Syria) has 2 cows.
You make a deal with the Saudis and Kuwaities to buy the 2 cows at 10x their original price.
You get 50% commission.

Mark said...

Nice post :)

I've posted this over at MarksThings (with proper credit to you). Hope that's OK :)

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Where'd you steal these from? Perhaps you should give credit to the original source.

xenmate said...

received in an e-mail. author unknown. better?

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